i’m tired

I’m tired. That’s it. Physically and mentally, I am exhausted.

I am tired of feeling inadequate because my grades in certain classes are not above a certain percentage. I am tired of teachers thinking they are superior to students, and in turn, take out their frustrations on us and treat us poorly. I am tired of the stress and anxiety inherently attached to the education system. I am tired of feeling a sense of dread when walking to school, when I should be excited to learn. I am tired of the pressures the teachers, principals, and school board place upon our shoulders. I am tired. I am tired from endless nights, staying up until dawn to finish a project or study for a test. I am tired from endless nights, staying up because I cannot quiet my thoughts and anxieties long enough to drift off. I am tired.

And I am not the only one. This is not a new argument. It has been repeated and repeated, shouted from many different mouths. But somehow nothing changes. People put the blame on the students, adding to their long list of expectations. They must work hard, get up early, do their homework, eat their breakfast, stay fit and healthy, get the help they need for their mental health, study for each and every test, focus on this class but also that class, put energy into extracurriculars and hobbies, and remain social. If students fulfill these activities, they will not find such an issue with the school system. The issue lies within the students. But there is only so much we can do. There is only so much we can say. There is only so much we can handle.

Even after studies proved schools should start later and give less homework, nothing changed. They do not want to listen. And I will not steer this into an argument about how the education system is trying to create disciplined zombies, because I genuinely believe they are not attempting such a thing. I do think the school system has improved with time and become something much more productive and helpful. However, I am tired.

I am tired because I am made to feel like I am less deserving of respect when I cannot achieve a 90% in my math class. I am tired because I am forced to attend school 5 days out of the week, only to be harassed by teachers who are meant to understand. I am tired because my teachers act more like children than I do sometimes. I am tired because I cannot sleep. I am tired because my worries of my grades, of upcoming tests, of assignments I have to finish all stick inside my brain until I am so overslept for so many days that I am delirious. I am tired. I am tired. I am tired.

I am tired, and I want to sleep. I want to sleep, but I cannot. I have an exam tomorrow.

– – –

Yes, I am aware posts like these are terribly overwritten. However, this is how I genuinely feel, at least presently. And what is a personal blog for if not to write about what you are feeling! So, if you don’t like it, feel free to peace out of here.

“My body is tired and I am tired of my body.” – Unknown

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