“she’s a slut” – so what?

This is something I wrote for my portfolio for the Ryerson Journalism program – which, as of recently, I WAS ACCEPTED INTO! Sorry, quick intermission for an awkward happy dance.

And continue.

I feel very strongly about the topic of slut-shaming and the idea that society seeks to control women, forcing them to submit to specific roles through harmful language. This piece came out of me so easily because I already had the thoughts and all it took was for me to put them together. In the end, I came up with something I’m really proud of and that I think communicates everything I wanted to say in a concise and simple way.

Enjoy!

Continue reading ““she’s a slut” – so what?”

pink to red

This is a piece I wrote for my Writer’s Craft class. We had to write 4 pieces; one which we would have edited and hand in, and three others that would go in our portfolio to only be seen by our teacher. I almost used this as my final one, but eventually decided on another. I still really like this piece, so I decided to share it here.

It’s something called a Frozen Moment, which is basically when you write about a very short and specific moment in time. For this one, I wrote about the final hug of a couple who are broken up, which isn’t explicitly stated in the story, so take their last embrace how you will. Is one of them dying? Did someone cheat? Who knows! Hope you like it!

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i’m tired

I’m tired. That’s it. Physically and mentally, I am exhausted.

I am tired of feeling inadequate because my grades in certain classes are not above a certain percentage. I am tired of teachers thinking they are superior to students, and in turn, take out their frustrations on us and treat us poorly. I am tired of the stress and anxiety inherently attached to the education system. I am tired of feeling a sense of dread when walking to school, when I should be excited to learn. I am tired of the pressures the teachers, principals, and school board place upon our shoulders. I am tired. I am tired from endless nights, staying up until dawn to finish a project or study for a test. I am tired from endless nights, staying up because I cannot quiet my thoughts and anxieties long enough to drift off. I am tired.

And I am not the only one. This is not a new argument. It has been repeated and repeated, shouted from many different mouths. But somehow nothing changes. People put the blame on the students, adding to their long list of expectations. They must work hard, get up early, do their homework, eat their breakfast, stay fit and healthy, get the help they need for their mental health, study for each and every test, focus on this class but also that class, put energy into extracurriculars and hobbies, and remain social. If students fulfill these activities, they will not find such an issue with the school system. The issue lies within the students. But there is only so much we can do. There is only so much we can say. There is only so much we can handle.

Even after studies proved schools should start later and give less homework, nothing changed. They do not want to listen. And I will not steer this into an argument about how the education system is trying to create disciplined zombies, because I genuinely believe they are not attempting such a thing. I do think the school system has improved with time and become something much more productive and helpful. However, I am tired.

I am tired because I am made to feel like I am less deserving of respect when I cannot achieve a 90% in my math class. I am tired because I am forced to attend school 5 days out of the week, only to be harassed by teachers who are meant to understand. I am tired because my teachers act more like children than I do sometimes. I am tired because I cannot sleep. I am tired because my worries of my grades, of upcoming tests, of assignments I have to finish all stick inside my brain until I am so overslept for so many days that I am delirious. I am tired. I am tired. I am tired.

I am tired, and I want to sleep. I want to sleep, but I cannot. I have an exam tomorrow.

– – –

Yes, I am aware posts like these are terribly overwritten. However, this is how I genuinely feel, at least presently. And what is a personal blog for if not to write about what you are feeling! So, if you don’t like it, feel free to peace out of here.

“My body is tired and I am tired of my body.” – Unknown

overwhelmed

Looks like I’m on a roll with posting. Expect more in the coming weeks and days, as my schedule is slowly emptying and I will now have more time to focus on this blog! I want to get more into posting because it’s fun and therapeutic, and I hope to eventually share this blog with more than just my two close friends! Let’s see what happens…

The past few weeks has been a stressful and emotionally charged time. All at once I was finishing summatives, studying for exams, and working on portfolios for university that I had masterfully ignored before then. Everything came crashing down upon me (by my own hand) and I felt the crushing weight of so many crucial and time-consuming projects. It took all I had not to just give up, lay down, and cry. My whole future is resting on these portfolios, which I continued to procrastinate until only about a week ago. I have to send them in in a matter of days and I am freaking out. My days have blended together into what I can only describe as a perpetual anxiety attack. I’m slowly getting things done but as the date approaches, I am doubting my own abilities more than ever and doubting whether or not I can finish everything on time. I know I’m passionate about both programs – my lack of work until this point does not define my love for the topics. I am simply suffocating under the pressure of them.

Usually, school projects for example, after a long period of procrastinating, the impending deadline is enough motivation for me to work, work, work and finish the assignment on time and done well. However, the idea that these portfolios are going to decide my entire future…the impending deadline is crippling. Any reminder of it leaves me staring blankly at my laptop screen, unable to move my hands to continue working. It’s terrifying. If I don’t get into this university, I’m not sure if I’ll go at all. What if my friends get into their dream programs and I don’t? How can I be sure that my work is special, that it’s any different from the couple thousand other portfolios they’ll receive next to mine, that it will astound them or wow them or interest them, or show them my skills and passion?

I’m overwhelmed, to say the least. And I won’t deny that it’s my fault, because it is. I procrastinate without good reason and I do this to myself, every damn time. But I’m overwhelmed.

“But I tried, didn’t I? Goddamnit, at least I did that.” – Ken Kesey

there’s some people

This is a journal entry I wrote while I was in Europe. I had been mulling over the concept of “people you never quite get over” for a while, ever since a close friend had comforted me with that notion. People, in general, have trouble moving on and forgetting the past. But me, specifically, struggle with this even more. I’m not great with change and having to leave someone behind who meant so much to me at one point is not an easy task, though is it for anyone? This entry is my way of consoling myself when I start to feel guilty about not having let go of someone. As long as you don’t ignore the people still in your life, acknowledging the people who you left behind is not a bad thing. It helps you recognize how you came to be where you are now and it helps me thank  (in my head but still) the people who were with me as I got there. I hope it does the same for you.

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fashion in high school: interview

Yes, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I’ll save you the excuses and just get back into posting (hopefully, regularly).

I did this interview with my friend, Zainab, on fashion in high school and as a teenager. I wanted to gain some insight on a teenager’s opinions and views on fashion and style. Here it is!

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a handy guide to mental illness

This is a short story I wrote for a contest at school. I put a lot of heart into it, and it means a lot to me. It talks about mental illness, which goes unnamed in the story. It’s a look into what a person going through that situation might deal with everyday. Not everyone will understand and not everyone with a mental illness experiences it this way, but maybe you’ll relate to it or maybe you’ll gain some insight into what someone you know is going through. Otherwise, I think this story is wonderful whether or not you take something away from it.

The theme for the story was Mirror Mirror, so I generalized it to just mirrors, and went from there. The mirror is somewhat of a symbol, staying unmentioned the majority of the story. The mirror is there to show the character, not their “true self” like some symbolic depictions of mirrors in stories, it simply shows them. In the moment. The mirror is a constant, while their feelings fluctuate and change. Every time the character returns to the mirror, they are experiencing a different form of their illness.

I hope you enjoy my story as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Continue reading “a handy guide to mental illness”